Part of me always liked my mum-tum. After giving birth, scoffing chocolate at 3am during one of the many night feeds is about as much fun as you can have sitting up. Or lying down. We stayed together, my mum-tum and I, through the many sleepless nights, the first smiles and the first weaning mouthfuls. My mum-tum was there for the first steps, the first swimming sessions and the endless coffee and cake and long ‘play lunches’ with other mums and their little darlings (and chips). It’s been fun, but I’ve got to let you go, mum-tum.
As I’m currently unable to stop eating the Builders’ biscuits, or from ‘wasting’ the tasty leftovers from my toddler’s dinner, I’m taking part in a work experiment using the ‘simple’ way to lose weight – Diet Chef. It’s designed to help you ‘lose a healthy amount of weight, while eating real, yummy food’. They deliver all your calorie-controlled meals for an entire month to your door. Sounds easy enough.
The first step was to buy a pair of scales (I chucked the old ones out when our old 70s bathroom was ripped out, which is possibly where I have been going wrong). Upon firing the digital scales up and stepping onto them I almost had a heart attack – 33 stone? I knew I’d been hitting the Maltesers reasonably hard over the last 12 months but not THAT hard. I got our friendly Builder to have a go (post-biscuit break) and he got the same result. A quick on-and-off and it seemed to fix the problem, though I was still fairly mortified to realise I was a whole 1.5 stone heavier than my pre-baby weight. Not good. (Said Builder’s story about “Arnold Schwarzenegger being clinically obese on account of his big muscles” didn’t really do much to reassure me, seeing as I was not even strong enough to lift the pile of tiles out of my way so that I could escape the nightmare unfolding in my kitchen). Definitely time to take action.
Step two was to wait for delivery of my Diet Chef hamper to arrive! Two months of food arriving straight to my door? I feel like I’m about to hibernate for winter but must remember this is NOT to be eaten all at once. I happily eyed the large box which had an initial layer of chocolate granola and oat biscuits inside (now, I thought, this is a diet I can get on board with). Underneath were all the carefully controlled diet portions that would be almost my entire existence over the next 8 weeks. But on the plus side I won’t have to cook for myself. Apparently just 3 minutes in the microwave and my meals will be done! Hurrah! It’s like being a giant adult baby and having all my meals carefully balanced and pre-prepared for me (but in a good, non-weird way).
I’m now on day three and it’s going OK so far. I’ve cooked pizza for my nieces, dolled out snacks at toddler group, cooked home-made chicken nuggets for my son and endured others slowly eating succulent lamb and mash whilst I slurp on my soups and pretend to look at the ceiling (I’m glad we’re getting rid of that old artex as all those swirls made me think of Cadbury’s Twirls – dargh). I didn’t even had a bite of theirs, or a Twirl. But that’s alright – I get that this isn’t going to be easy all the time and giant adult babies do not need chocolate.
As diets go though this one really isn’t bad. The meals are actually tasty (just small). The snacks are quite yummy (but small). Yesterday though, after stupidly spilling half my soup in the microwave (I was actually tempted to suck the suspicious-smelling cloth I mopped it up with) I was feeling pretty hungry. When people talked to me all I could see was this:
So I treated myself to an apple. That’s how I roll these days.
Day 3 = 1KG lost so far! That’s the same weight as about six and a half packs of Colin & Steve’s Jaffa Cakes!